Myths About De-Escalation (Why It Matters Beyond Policing)

Authors: Schon, Rees, McClure

When people hear the word “de-escalation,” they may assume it only applies to police officers or crisis teams. The truth is, de-escalation is something that shows up in everyday life. These skills can be used when stressed at work, when a conversation gets heated at home, or when navigating conflicts in the community. It is not just a professional skill; it is a human one. De-escalation is both a wellness and safety practice. 

What People Think of When They Hear “De-escalation” 

In community discussions, when people were asked to share the first words that came to mind, the responses were simple but meaningful, giving us insight into what the word means to them.

• Stop, rethink, breathe
• Relax, calm, stop
• Stopping the problem
• Calming, gentle, soothing

These reflect a shared idea: de-escalation feels like slowing down and choosing to respond rather than react.

So, What Is De-Escalation

Merriam-Webster defines de-escalate as “to decrease in extent, volume, or scope.” This gives us a direction, but not a whole picture.

There’s no single universal definition of de-escalation because situations vary. A police officer responding to a tense encounter will communicate differently than a teacher supporting an overwhelmed student, or than someone might during a personal conflict. The setting changes the delivery, but not the core skills. It also matters whether you are the “person in charge”; think in terms of a police officer, health care professional, teacher/professor, manager.

What stays consistent is the intention to:

• Reduce intensity
• Support understanding
• Preserve dignity
• Problem-Solve in a Collaborative Way

One framework that illustrates how universal these skills can be is the ResBond model. It guides a person to

• Reset emotions
• Take a step back
• Breathe
• Observe the situation and person
• Note alternatives
• Decide what to do / Problem-Solve

These steps are simple, practical, and adaptive to any situation. Whether in a classroom, community setting, workplace, or high-stress call, the same process helps us slow down, reassess and respond with clarity rather than reaction.

Why This Matters

De-escalation is not solely a tactical skill, it is a relational one.

It shows up in:

• How we talk to our partners and families
• How we resolve miscommunication at work or daily lives
• How we respond to stress in real time

It is a practice of pausing, noticing, and choosing a grounded response. Like any skill, it strengthens with intention and repetition, so the next time you feel stressed and ready to react to a situation, instead of reacting, remember what it means to ResBond.

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Disclaimer: This project was supported by cooperative agreement DOJ 15JCOPS-23-GK-01739-PPSE awarded by the Office of Community Oriented Policing Services, U.S. Department of Justice. The opinions contained herein are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily represent the official position or policies of the U.S. Department of Justice. References to specific agencies, companies, products, or services should not be considered an endorsement by the author(s) or the U.S. Department of Justice. Rather, the references are illustrations to supplement the discussion of the issues. The Internet references cited in this publication were valid as of the date of publication. Given that URLs and websites are in constant flux, neither the author(s) nor the COPS Office can vouch for their current validity.